9 Common Misconceptions About Emotional Intelligence

Last updated August 14, 2021

Emotional intelligence is crucial to professional and personal success alike. However, I often hear and read comments about this buzzword that don’t quite hit the mark. 

Many people have heard of emotional intelligence, yet many lack an in-depth understanding of what it is. So let's unpack some of the common misconceptions. 

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the innate ability to observe, recognize, and manage your emotions constructively. This gives you the ability to communicate effectively, handle stressful situations, prevent conflicts, conquer challenges, and empathise with others. 

In other words, emotionally intelligent people can recognize the types of emotions that drive people’s behaviour and affect others either negatively or positively. Having this ability is crucial to success in both our career and personal lives. 

9 emotional intelligence misconceptions

Emotional intelligence is also renowned as emotional quotient (EQ) and certain things about it are often misunderstood. I’m going to shed light on certain emotional intelligence myths below:

1. Emotions don’t belong in business
It’s believed that there’s no space for emotions in the business world. The statement, “It’s not personal, it’s just business” is still widely used, but the truth is there are many emotions needed to drive success.

Emotions are part of human interaction and decision making, multiple psychological studies have revealed that the majority of decisions that entrepreneurs take are emotion-driven. The key is learning how to recognise and manage your emotions. Having a handle on them is crucial to landing a well-negotiated deal, fostering good relationships with colleagues and clients and finding enjoyment in everyday tasks. This is where emotional intelligence comes in.

2. Our emotions are controlled by our bodies

Our bodies respond to the way we handle our emotions, they don't dictate them. Emotionally intelligent people take responsibility for their emotions and learn how to manage their response to them. 

3. Emotionally intelligent people don’t engage in negative and toxic dialogue with other people

What’s the top advice often given online when it comes to handling negative people? Stay away from them. Easier said than done, right? In business, you can’t avoid certain people – no matter how toxic they are. Emotionally intelligent people don’t distance themselves from negative people physically; they do it emotionally.

Emotionally intelligent people accept others for who they are. They understand that some people were deeply wounded by certain situations that happened in the past. Just because someone has a negative outlook on life, doesn’t mean they must be avoided.

Setting boundaries, showing empathy, accepting where someone is at, and always finding the positive in a negative situation are some of the tricks emotionally intelligent people use when dealing with negative people. 

4. Emotionally intelligent people don’t seek acceptance and approval from others

Lots of people perceive emotionally intelligent people as inherently confident, perfect individuals. In reality, emotionally intelligent people never stop working on improving their confidence. Emotionally intelligent people realise that through social conditioning, they might be affected by mindsets, beliefs, and thoughts, which were never theirs. 

In situations where high EQ people notice themselves seeking acceptance or approval, they will look to the toolkits they have developed to manage their monkey minds. They’ll summarise their thinking patterns, asking themselves whether they are useful thoughts or beliefs and take action to calm self-soothe.

5. Emotional people have a high EQ

Being emotional does not equal a high EQ. On the contrary, most emotional people have trouble managing their reactions to their emotions. They tend to create drama in a difficult situation rather than solve it. Expressing emotions is easier than managing them. 

People with a lower EQ might show more emotions since they have no idea the effect their emotional outburst might have in any given situation. People with high EQ will acknowledge their emotions, allowing themselves to feel whatever is coming up for them, whilst balancing their reaction to this in the moment. They recognising when they need to keep their impulses under control, and practise dissociation techniques during difficult moments.

6. People with a high EQ are charismatic

Emotionally intelligent people are easy to be around. Charismatic people are genuinely enjoyable to be around. But individuals with high EQ aren’t always charismatic.

Emotionally intelligent people simply know how to communicate with others, making them easy to be around. They can recognize their feelings and empathise with the perspectives of other people.

7. It’s just being empathetic

Being empathetic, such as being able to identify whether somebody is stressed, doesn’t make a person emotionally intelligent. Those with a high EQ know how to use their knowledge and help that person instead of making the situation worse. Behaviour changes are particularly important for leaders.

Emotionally intelligent leaders can evaluate their and other people’s behaviour efficiently, integrating both emotional and mental processes to adapt suitable behaviours and manage different situations happening in the office.

8. You’re either born with emotional intelligence or not

Emotional intelligence isn’t innate. Nobody is born emotionally intelligent. It’s all about channelling and navigating emotions, becoming more self-motivated, practising self-awareness, and working on inappropriate traits and behaviours. 

Emotionally intelligent people often need and seek assistance just like other people. They’re not afraid of admitting their mistakes and working on them. They often turn to coaching to unlock their true personal potential. It takes time, practice, and patience to develop emotional intelligence.

9. People with high IQ also have a high EQ

Even though EQ and IQ typically go hand in hand, sometimes high IQ is the same as a high EQ. You might have an extremely high IQ because you’ve been improving it since your childhood, but have a lower EQ because you’re not taught it at school. Luckily, it’s possible to increase EQ the ways mentioned above. Both EQ and IQ are developed and this is what makes them similar. People with a high IQ don’t automatically have a high EQ, they need to develop it.

The final word on emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is considered to be a strong predictor of job success. What's often forgotten about is the way a high EQ can improve our ability to successfully navigate emotions and control our behaviour in everyday life situations. 

Ultimately, developing emotional intelligence takes work. It's a never-ending journey, one of constant evaluation and self-improvement. Nobody can be considered fully emotionally intelligent, neither should anybody be considered as completely lacking. We are all on our own paths. 

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