The False Pursuit of Happiness
I often find clients come to me wanting to be happy in their career but feel that something is missing. Yet when we start to unpack what is happening and how they feel about their current job and situation, we find that it is actually ticking all of their boxes.
There’s a disconnect between what is perceived and what is actually happening. Often clients tell me that they feel like they should be doing more or something different or progressing, and THEN they’ll be happier.
This pursuit of happiness can be motivating but can often leave us constantly wanting something different and can be very counterproductive to actually achieving what we want. Happiness is after all a fleeting emotion rather than an achievable constant state. Rather than pursuing happiness, we should be looking to achieve contentment, moments of joy and a personal sense of value and accomplishment.
This disconnect and confusion are all very much part of the human experience. We, as humans, are surprisingly bad at being happy!
This disconnect and confusion are all very much part of the human experience. We, as humans, are surprisingly bad at being happy!
Especially in modern Western society, where we pin our aspirations on material acquisition or achieving what we believe are the milestones we should reach. Constant comparisons with others and always the unachievable next thing will mean you believe you will be happy when you reach that point… that one in the future (always in the future).
Annoying Mind Tricks
Our minds have a not-so-helpful way of leading us away from what will truly lead to contentment and joy. This can be with our:
Our Intuition
Believe it or not our intuition can lead us towards a destination that won’t lead us to happiness. It can actually lead us to dissatisfaction and a lack of contentment.
Reference Points
Societal reference points such as marriage, career goals or looking at what others have or do don’t necessarily show us the way to our own happiness.
Hedonic Adaptation
Our first experience of things can be amazing. But our mind is very quick to become adapted, reducing our experience. We then move on to the next thing.
Impact Bias
Our expectation of the impact an event will have on our lives is usually a lot higher than reality. As we work or move towards a major event or experience in our lives, we expect that it will make an impact for much longer than it will.
Put simply, as we move through life, we are driven by societal measures and milestones, measuring ourselves against others, and the most annoying of these is when we achieve what we think we want/need to be happy, we adapt. We become used to whatever is new and exciting, and after the initial thrill, we adapt and look for the next thing to achieve. Never fully feeling satisfied or content with what we have or where we are at in life.
But we can make a change…
But we can actively make a change rather than looking at what we don’t have. Here are a few ways we can nurture contentment in our life (without constantly looking to change everything!).
Nurturing Authentic Connections
Social connection is key to a happy life at every life stage. While social media has connected us in unprecedented ways, it has also left us craving genuine human connection. Investing time and effort into building meaningful in-person connections can bring about a sense of belonging, emotional support, and lasting happiness. Social and connected people report a higher level of happiness on average. So get off your phone (unless you’re calling someone) and get out in real life with friends, family, colleagues, whoever allows you to feel connected and relaxed.
Cultivating Meaning and Purpose
Instead of chasing fleeting moments of happiness, focusing on cultivating a sense of meaning and purpose in our lives can elevate our contentedness. Research suggests that those who have a clear sense of purpose are more likely to experience long-term satisfaction and fulfilment. Engaging in activities that align with our values and contribute to something greater than ourselves can provide a deeper and more sustainable form of happiness.
Practicing Generosity and Kindness
Research consistently shows that acts of kindness and generosity not only benefit others but also bring joy and fulfilment to the giver. Engaging in selfless acts, whether small or large, allows us to connect with our innate compassion and make a positive impact in the world. By shifting our focus from personal gain to the well-being of others, we can experience a profound sense of happiness and fulfilment. Volunteering in local community groups, coaching a sports team or helping out a friend give us the warm fuzzies and help to feel a sense of belonging.Embracing Mindfulness and Gratitude
We often find ourselves trapped in a never-ending cycle of self-improvement, constantly striving to meet societal expectations and comparing ourselves to others. Practicing mindfulness allows us to be fully present in the moment, appreciate the simple joys of life, and cultivate a sense of gratitude. Being aware of the good things in our life and shifting our perspective to focus on what we have to be grateful for can improve our view on our own lives in as little as two weeks!
Get moving
Our minds don’t operate on their own, we often forget that we are connected to our bodies. And one of the quickest ways to feel ‘better’ and more at peace in our lives is to move our bodies. Regular exercise, as simple as a walk daily or even a dance around your living room, can get the blood pumping and engender the feeling of mindfulness and more contentment in your life. Even better, combine it with a friend or the kids and a double hitter of joy and connectedness.
As humans, we are not very good at happiness, and the false pursuit of happiness often leads us in very much the opposite direction. Happiness is a fleeting (if joyful) emotion rather than a constant state. By shifting our focus to practical ways to enjoy our lives based on our values and what really matters to us, we are much more likely to feel contentment with where we are and who we are. A life punctuated with moments of happiness and filled with purpose and connectedness.
Back to those that look at their work life and are constantly feeling like there should be more. Our work life is one part of our real life and needs to be treated as such. Recognising where work fits into our lives and what role it plays is vital to understanding what will truly satisfy our needs and how we can round out our lives with others, and activities and appreciating what and who are around us.
If you need help finding your values and how they fit with your work life. I’m here to help.
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