Building Rapport: Making the right impression

Building rapport with others is a life skill that frankly has been undertaught (if at all). Whilst we often learn the basics of presenting, debating and writing a CV (maybe) at school we aren’t deliberately taught how to build rapport and make connections with others.

On the whole this can come naturally through friendships and with our family, it is often a different story when we are faced with ‘networking’ or interviews. Creating connections with people that are outside of our intimate circle (where we feel most comfortable). However, in life and work, building relationships is key to our success and our sense of belonging. As well as the ability to influence others, and progress further through our career. Meeting, greeting and making an impression with new people is essential.

Through my coaching, I use the NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) approach. A library of tools that I use to coach others to understand how their mind works, to see the world in a different way, and enable them to become more flexible and resourceful in the way they approach obstacles.

Using these techniques, we work together to get past the (often) usual blocks to meeting new people (will they like me? I’m not enough! I don’t like the colour of their glasses) and on to the skills it takes to really make a positive impression.

Let’s look at an example (it may feel familiar):

Andrea has been asked to attend a work event, meeting, greeting, and socialising with existing and potential clients. Some may call this ‘networking’ which is a fancy way of saying ‘getting to know other people in your industry’. It’s a great opportunity to show her boss how she interacts with others and can bring new clients in, or even make existing clients feel ‘part of the family’. 

It’s not Andrea’s naturally comfortable place to be. New people are great, and out in her social life she is more than happy to meet new people (actually quite enjoys it), but there seems to be more pressure in this environment. She starts the night obsessing about her outfit, is her top ok, her hair right, are my shoes too tall, short, casual?? Why does Dan always look like he’s got this nailed?

Andrea arrives feeling a little frazzled, and right up inside her head, not really able to take in what’s happening around her. Andrea’s boss welcomes her to the event and a group of new people, does a couple of introductions and leaves her to it - his expectation is that she circulate and make herself known. Andrea freezes! Looks frantically for someone she knows, or at least a glass of wine.

Let’s stop here.

I think you get the picture.

And the sense of discomfort. 

We’ve all been here, felt this way, and found ourselves unable to really break out of it. Or have a couple too many wines and end up regretting it the next morning. 

Finding a new way to network

With some key tips, coaching, and a change of mindset a situation like this can be turned on its head and can lead to a positive event with plenty to celebrate.

1. Take a breath

As you arrive, take a breath, pause, and settle yourself. You look great, you can do this and you have plenty to offer.

2. Make eye contact

Your boss has made some introductions. Make sure when you are introduced you make eye contact and repeat the other persons’ name, when you are shaking their hand or as you lean towards them. This will help you remember their name and help them to remember you.

3. Listen actively

Nod and react appropriately when people are speaking. Ask how their journey to the place you are was. What they think of the venue and move on to why they are at the event. All of these questions lead from general on to opening up around their work. All great ways to get to know someone. Resist the urge to find someone more interesting, familiar, or find where the drinks table might be.

4. Make connections

It doesn’t all have to be ‘shop talk’. Sound interested by making common connections between yourself and the person talking. Try not to talk too much, only when the other person’s focus is on you should you talk about yourself. Let them answer your questions fully.

5. Use their name

As you move off, or say goodbye always use their name and make eye contact again. It helps people feel seen and appreciated. And is likely to make a positive impression - as well as helping you to remember their name and face.

Put all of this into practice and you will find it easier and easier to meet new people, and build a quick rapport with them, and they are more likely to remember you.

Before you know it you’ll be looking forward to those dreaded networking events!

I would love to hear how you’re building rapport with those you meet. Reach out on LinkedIn.

If you would like to know more about my coaching approaches and NLP take a look here. 

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